Heartbreak and Dirty Little Secrets
by Peacecomesfromwithin
Summary: Maura's words from earlier that morning came back to her. "You need to figure out what you want and I need to figure out if I can live without you" Jane knew what she wanted, but now it was going to be her figuring out if she could live without Maura...
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! So, I just recently found out about Rizzoli and Isles and have watched the entire season online and I am totally in love with it. All of your stories are so wonderful and I will be reviewing. I am not sure if I got anyone's voices right and if anyone has some helpful hints I would greatly appreciate it. Please review! Thank you!

And I don't own them, because if I did we would not be waiting until summer for the new season.

Jane Rizzoli opened her eyes slowly and breathed in the intoxicating scent of the woman she loved. Maura, sensing she was awake rolled over to smile at Jane.

"Good morning," Jane said softly.

"Every morning is a good morning when I wake up next to you," Maura said kissing Jane softly. Jane deepened the kiss making Maura giggle. "Jane," Jane ignored her and continued to kiss her collar bone. "Jane!" Maura said laughing even harder. "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Who says I can't finish it?" Jane said wagging her eyebrows up and down. Maura laughed.

"Father Time," she answered. Jane looked at her confused.

"Father Ti-oh shit!" Jane said looking at the alarm clock next to her bed. She was going to be late. Again. Maura's giggles grew even louder as Jane jumped off of her and ran into the bathroom. When the door was shut Maura sighed and rolled over. She had never felt like this about another person before. She had never felt so much love or warmth. She was in trouble.

Maura was sitting at the island reading a scientific journal when Jane came out of the bathroom. Jane smiled and wrapped her arms around her lover.

"Hey beautiful," Jane whispered in her ear. She frowned when Maura pulled away. She had only been in the bathroom for 10 minutes how could she have already done something wrong?

"Barry called and wanted to know where you were," Maura said stiffly.

"Did you answer it?" Jane asked in a panic. "I love you with all of my heart Maur, but you know I'm not ready for the guys to know"

"Your parents and your brother know" Maura pointed out hurt in her eyes.

"I know this hurts you and I'm sorry. The guys are different. I already have to prove myself to them on a daily basis. It has nothing to do with you," Jane argued hoping Maura would finally see her side of this issue. They had been arguing about for weeks. Maura looked at her hurt in her eyes.

"No I didn't answer it Jane," she snapped.

"Maura I'm sorry. I love you, but-"

"That's the problem Jane. When you say I love you to someone it should never be followed by but, unless you are ending the relationship," Maura said standing up to leave.

"Maur come on," Jane said grabbing her arm. Maura tensed and wrenched her arm away.

"I am not some dirty little secret Jane! I refuse to live my life like that!" Maura took a calming breath and when she spoke her voice was calmer, and much to Jane's dismay, professional. "I've put in a request for a transfer to the police department in New York City. I think we need some time away from each other. You need to figure out what you want and I need to figure out if I can live without you."

"Maura!" Jane shouted panic coursing through her veins when her lover turned to leave. "Baby I love you!"

"Do you love me enough to tell your friends about us?" Maura asked her hand on the door. Jane's eyes fell to the floor. Maura nodded once and then left the apartment.

Jane sat in her apartment for a long time after Maura left trying to understand what had happened. Was Maura really leaving her? Her thoughts were cut off by the shrill ring of her telephone. She answered it quickly hoping it was Maura.

"Jane its Korsak. We need you down at the station, now," Vince said. His voice sounded choked with tears. Without saying anything Jane ran to her car.

Jane arrived at the station in record time and burst through the doors. All of the officers were either sitting or pacing. They all looked sad and deflated. It was clear to Jane then that one of their own had died. Jane ran to the morgue praying Maura was inside. She stopped seeing her assistant Yoshima standing over a body draped in a white sheet and not Maura. Maura really had left her. She entered the morgue and saw Vince and Barry standing off to the side. She saw Vince mover towards her and nod to Yoshima. He solemnly lifted the white sheet. As soon as the face was visible Jane's legs gave out. Korsak caught her and motioned to Barry and Yoshima. They left the room silently.

"It's ok Janie. It's just you and me in here. Let it out honey," Vince said soothingly. Jane was biting her lip so hard in an attempt to not cry that it started to bleed. But as she reached out to touch her lovers cold face the tears came. Deep heart wrenching sobs filled the empty room as Jane grieved. She had never felt so much pain in all her life. She pounded her fists on the floor in fury as Vince rubbed her shoulder soothingly. Her sobs turned into screams as pain turned into devastation and grief. Maura's words from earlier that morning came back to her. _"You need to figure out what you want and I need to figure out if I can live without you"_ Jane knew what she wanted, but now it was going to be her figuring out if she could live without Maura.

Jane ended up at her parent's house looking like hell. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was frizzy and wild, and her face was pale. Angela ushered her inside and held her daughter as she cried. She knew Maura had left her daughter this morning. Angela loved Maura and had taken over as her mother when it was clear her own adoptive mother was not interested in the precious role. Maura had called her in tears this morning over her and Jane's fight and Angela had comforted her best she could.

"It'll be ok Janie you and Maura will work it out," Angela soothed rocking her daughter as she cried. Devastation hit Jane again as she realized her mother didn't know. She had no idea she had just lost a daughter.

"Ma Maura is…" Jane struggled to form the words. "She's dead Ma," Angela pulled away from her daughter abruptly and looked into her tearstained eyes.

"What?" Angela whispered horror and disbelief in her voice.

"She was in a car accident this morning. Another car ran a red light and hit her head on. She died on impact."

"No, she's not dead Jane! It's someone else. I just talked to her this morning," Angela said tears rolling down her face.

"I saw her Ma. It was her," Jane choked out fresh sobs overtaking her as she sunk back into her mother's embrace. Angela sat stunned for a moment. She was constantly afraid she was going to outlive one of her children. With Frankie and Jane jobs as cops and Tommy's drinking problem she knew it was a real possibility. But, she never thought she would lose Maura. Maura was a Medical Examiner. She lived a healthy and safe life. Maura was the child Angela wasn't supposed to have to worry about losing. But she had. After a few moments Angela buried her face in her daughter's long raven locks and cried.

The first thing that Maura was aware of when she opened her eyes was the pounding in her head. The second was that she was bound at the wrists and ankles. She struggled to adjust to the darkness in hopes of recognizing where she was, but the room was simply too dark. So instead she tried to remember what had happened. She remembered fighting with Jane and leaving. She had remembered being so upset that she had called Angela…

"_Hey sweetie what's up?" Angela asked when she saw it was Maura calling her._

"_Everything is all messed up and I don't know what to do," Maura cried into the phone. _

"_Did you and Jane have a fight?" Angela asked gently. _

"_I can't do this anymore Ma I can't. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in an affair."_

"_Oh baby I know it's hard. But you two love each other. You can work it out. Why don't you come over here I'll make you some soup and we can talk?"_

"_I need to clear my head."_

"_Promise me you'll stop by later?" Angela asked worried._

"_I promise," Maura said searching for her car keys._

"_Ok I love you Maura no matter what." _

"_I love you too"…_

Maura racked her brain. Then what had happened? She heard someone walking above her and it all came rushing back…

_Maura hung up the phone and went to unlock her car, but a cloth was put over her mouth and nose and an arm encircled her waist. She fought hard to free herself, but she instantly recognized the scent of chloroform. She felt herself start to lose consciousness and then her world went black…_

Maura's fear intensified when she heard the door open and a shadowy figure started to approach her. She desperately fought against the ropes that bound her, but her efforts were in vain. Jane would find her she told herself. She had to hold onto that. Jane loved her and would not stop until all of Boston had been torn apart. And then this psycho would get what was coming to him. As the man came closer Maura prayed Jane found her soon.

Jane lay in her childhood room wrapped in one of Maura's shirts. It still smelled like Maura and Jane wondered how long it would take for the scent to fade. Once that happened she would never be able to feel as though Maura were lying with her again. She heard her parents talking downstairs and strained to listen. She could tell her mother was crying.

"We should call her parents," Angela said. Jane's anger flared. Why? It's not like they gave a damn. They never called her or visited her. They ignored her as a child and forced Maura to feel an aching loneliness most of her life.

"We're her parents. We can get in touch with them, but we are not going to let them push us to the side." Frank Rizzoli said a determined edge lacing his voice.

"Frank-"

"We loved her Angela. She was our daughter in every way that mattered. You were her mother. She called you whenever she was upset or needed someone. She didn't call that other woman. She bought you flowers on mother's day. We have every right to say goodbye and grieve as parents."

"I don't want to say goodbye! How do you say goodbye to your child Frank?" Angela cried falling into her husband's arms.

"Together. We will say goodbye together and with everyone else that loved Maura. I miss her too. We need to be strong for Janie." Angela nodded. Her husband was right.

"I know. We'll help our little girl through this. I just…" Angela trailed off too emotionally exhausted to talk anymore. Frank strengthened his hold on her and nodded.

"I know, I know"

Jane opened the door to her apartment and walked inside the cold dark room. She patted Joe Friday distractedly and walked to the bedroom. She didn't bother to turn on the light. She stripped off her clothes and collapsed on the bed. She lay on her back with her eyes wide open. She swore she could hear Maura giggling like she had been this morning. A tear slipped out of Jane's eye. How could someone be here one minute and gone the next? It wasn't fair. Jane rolled over and tried to sleep. After tossing and turning for several minutes she got up and got dressed.

Vince was sitting at his desk going over the reports of Maura's accident when he saw Jane come in.

"What are you doing here Jane?" he asked gently.

"I need a file," Jane lied. Korsak raised his eyebrows. "I can't leave her down there Vince."

"Honey I know this is hard, but that's not Maura anymore. It's just her body."

"If you tell me she's in my heart and she'll always be with me I'm going to smack you," Jane said hotly. Korsak bite back a chuckle.

"Well than what do you want me to say?"

"That this is a bad dream. And I'm going to wake up with Maura lying next to me alive and smiling."

"Janie that's not going to happen. I know you loved her-"

"But she didn't!" Jane snapped fighting back tears. "I was too afraid to tell you and the other guys about us and it made her question my love for her. It's my fault that she's dead. She was never supposed to leave the apartment today, but she did because I was too much of a fucking coward. She left because she was mad at me! She left and now she's never coming back. She died questioning my love for her! How is anything ever going to be ok again?" Jane sobbed. Vince looked at her sadly.

"That's just it kid. It's never going to be ok. Even if Maura had left after you had professed your undying love for her it still wouldn't be ok. But, it will get better. You will heal probably not completely but, you will be able to go on."

"I don't want to go on without her. I don't know how," Jane said softly. "I just need to sit with her for a while," Jane said walking past Vince and getting into the elevator. Vince stared after her and sighed. How were any of them going to go on without Maura? He walked back to his desk and sat down. His hands brushed over the file on his desk. Inside was the last autopsy report Maura had ever done. He studied the curve of her handwriting and then set it back on his desk. As hard as he tried he couldn't keep the tears back any longer. The Boston Police Department stood empty in the darkness except for one broken young detective sitting in the morgue with her dead lover and her former partner crying for his fallen friend and the woman she left behind.

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! Please review thank you!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all of the reviews! I am so happy that you like my story. Sorry about the long wait. I thought soccer was over and thought I would have plenty of time, but it wasn't. Anyway it is now so hopefully I'll have more time now. Anyway thank you again! Please review and let me know how I did. I struggled with the interaction between Maura and Michael. And I hadn't read Body Double until it was mentioned in the reviews. I had heard of it so the twin being mistaken for her is the same and the name, but everything else is different.

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Maura stared up at the man approaching her in absolute terror. He was about average height and weight, and had dark brown hair and eyes. He smiled at her when he came closer, but it did nothing to put her at ease.

"Maura, my name is Jonathan. I was your sister's husband," he said as if he was talking to a 5 year old. Maura remained silent. She didn't know of any sister, but then again she had just recently found out about her brother and father. She still didn't understand what her sister had to do with why she was tied up. "I'm sorry to inform you that Anna died after a fall down the stairs this morning. We were having a fight because she wanted to find you and I wanted our lives to stay exactly as they were. She slipped on one of our son's toys and fell," His expression took on a look of devastation. "I can't live without my wife Maura. I won't"

"What does that have to do with me?" Maura asked wary of his answer.

"You were twins Maura. You look exactly alike."

"I still don't understand .Why did you kidnap me?" Maura asked struggling against the ropes around her wrists. Jonathan stood up, clearly upset that she didn't understand his plan and walked over to her. He lifted her up by her wrists and brought her face close to his. His dark eyes stared into her lighter ones.

"I won't live without my wife Maura. I'm sure you and Anna have some differences but, you can learn. I hear you're incredibly smart. I need my wife and my son needs his mother."

"But I'm not Anna," Maura said in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. "I cannot and will not pretend to be your deceased wife. I have my own life. I have a family and friends that I love and who love me. I'm sorry but, I refuse to be Anna."

"Oh Maura," Jonathan crooned. "What makes you think you have a choice in the matter?"

"Jane will find me," Maura said strongly.

"Jane and everyone else think that you are dead," He laughed at Maura's confused expression. "I put your sister in your car and some idiot ran a red light and hit her before I could even push it down the ravine. Lucky for me you and Anna even have the same hairstyle. Everyone you love is mourning your death as we speak. Maura is dead but, my Anna is standing right in front of me."

"You're insane!" Maura cried the severity of the situation gripping her with icy fingers.

"You'll warm up to the idea baby," He said in a soothing tone. "I understand that it is going to take a day or two," And just like that, it was like someone flipped a switch. He tossed Maura to the ground harshly and knelt next to her. "But a word of caution my darling, I am not a patient man," With those final words he left the basement plunging Maura back into darkness.

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Jane sat at the Dirty Robber nursing a beer when she saw Frost coming towards her. She nodded at him in acknowledgement and then looked down at the table.

"I'm not gonna ask you how you are," he said sitting down, "Cause that would be a stupid question, but I just want you to know that we're all grieving and I just...well not just me, but all the guys at the station we want you to grieve Jane. We want you to grieve for her like anyone would grieve for the woman they loved," Barry said tears misting in his eyes. Jane nodded gratefully and tears slipped down her cheeks. A crushing shame and sadness washed over her.

"Maura was leaving me. We had a fight that morning. I was too afraid to let everyone at the station know about us. I thought it would make me look weak. I broke her heart Barry. She thought I didn't want to tell you guys because I didn't love her enough. She left my apartment heartbroken and then got in her car and died. If we hadn't had the fight-"

"Hey, you can't do that to yourself Jane. Don't play the what if game it will only make you more upset. No amount of what ifs are going to bring her back," he soothed taking her hand.

"I love her with all of my heart and the very thought of even living a few more days without her seems impossible. I pictured spending the rest of my life with her. I used to look ahead to the future and see me and Maura, maybe a couple a kids, Joe Friday and her turtle-"

"Tortoise," Frost corrected her smiling. Jane smiled for the first time since she had seen her lover in the morgue on the table instead of leaning over it.

"Yea, tortoise."

"You'll be able to see another future Jane someday," Barry said encouragingly. Jane shook her head and placed a few bills on the table.

"When I look towards my future now all I see is darkness," Jane put her hand on her partner's shoulder in thanks and walked out of the bar.

"I've never seen two people more in love than her and the Doc," the bartender said to Barry. Barry smiled sadly and watched Jane's car drive away.

"Neither have I."

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Maura was sitting on the mattress Jonathan had left her in deep thought. She had scaled all of the walls in a desperate attempt to find a way out of her prison. She hadn't been able to find anything leaving her to realize all of her hopes were pinned on Jane. But, Jane thought she was dead. How was Jane going to find her if she didn't know she was supposed to be looking? As if her prayers were answered the door opened and a little boy came down the stairs with a flashlight. She rose from the mattress and wished she could just run by him and out the door. Jonathan had untied her, but had handcuffed her right hand to a bar on the wall with a long chain that allowed her to sit on the mattress and reach the toilet and shower. The basement had apparently been an apartment at one time. The little boy came closer and switched on the lights. Maura blinked against the harsh assault on her eyes. When she was able to see again she was speechless. This little boy could be her son. He had her eyes and mouth. No, he had his mother's eyes and mouth. Her twin sister's eyes and mouth. His hair was blonde and fell just above his ears. He had light blue eyes and freckles dotting his cheeks. He looked to be about 5 or 6 years old.

"Hi," the little boy said cheerily. "My name is Michael."

"My name is Dr. Maura Isles," his face lit up.

"You're a doctor?" He asked excitedly. "So you cure sick people and stuff?"

"No I…" she stopped. Should she explain to a 9 year old that she cut open dead people? Maura had never had any experience with children and she had a hard enough time with adults. "I help the police catch criminals" she said. If possible his face lit up even brighter.

"That is so cool! I wanna be a doctor when I grow up. I want to help sick people so they don't…" He trailed off for a moment. "My mommy is dead," he said softly. Maura paled.

"I…I know," she said unsure of what to do. Michael sniffled and then wrapped his little arms around Maura's waist. She tensed for a moment and then relaxed. She felt his tears soak through to her stomach and she gently eased them onto the floor so that he was cradled in her lap. He buried himself into her arms.

"You feel like her," Michael said.

"What?" Maura asked confused.

"Mommy said that kids fit perfectly in their mommies arms. Just like when your hand fits with someone else's hand you know you are supposed to be with them forever," He snuggled deeper. "See," he said looking at her with his big blue eyes, "I fit," Maura looked startled and then concentrated on their two bodies nestled together. He was right. She felt no discomfort holding him. It felt like her arms had been molded just for this little boy just like she had always felt when holding hands with Jane. This made Maura ache to know her sister. She seemed like a beautiful person and Maura was very sorry she was never going to know her. She looked down and saw Michael was still looking at her expectantly. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. Content with that action Michael buried his face in her shoulder and fell asleep. Silent tears streamed down Maura's face as she finally grieved for a woman she never knew and would never get the chance to know. Her sister would want her to protect and love her son. And that was what Maura was going to do.

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Angela Rizzoli knew something was up the minute she walked into the police station to take Frankie to lunch. The place was abuzz with activity and everyone seemed almost joyful. Jane entered right behind her and frowned. She had been here yesterday and everyone had been depressed over the ME's death. Korsak came up to her in a hurry with a smile on his face bigger than a kid's on Christmas.

"Come with me," he said excitedly leading them both down to the morgue. Jane was reluctant to go down to her deceased lover's domain, but followed her mother and former partner down anyway. Yoshima was standing by the lighted wall where they compared dental images. He was also smiling ear to ear.

"What is going on?" Jane asked.

"It's not her," Korsak said unable to contain himself.

"What?" Jane asked paling.

"Her dental records don't match so I did a DNA test. They almost match. Almost. The woman we found in Maura's car is her twin sister. I found her in the database," Yoshima said bringing their attention to the computer screen. A picture of Maura… no Anna Squire was shining back at them. They looked exactly alike right down to their haircuts. Before Jane could react her mother was crushing her in her embrace thanking god. Jane let joy overwhelm her. She cried tears of happiness until the detective in her took over.

"Wait, if that's not Maura than where is she?" Jane asked fear and worry replacing her joy. Korsak's face fell.

"We don't know," he said. Jane ran upstairs.

"Someone check the status on Hoyt!"

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Maura rubbed her sore wrists and followed Jonathan up the stairs. She walked into a kitchen and looked around. Although she and her sister were identical in looks their tastes were definitely different. While Maura's kitchen was clean and modern Anna's was a little cluttered and had more of a country feel to it. She saw Michael sitting at the counter eating a bowl of Lucky Charms. She ruffled his hair when she passed him and he gave her a wide smile. Jonathon led her past a cozy looking living room and a beautiful dining room and then up a set of carpeted stairs. They went down a hall way and into what Maura assumed was the master bedroom. There were pictures everywhere of Jonathan and Anna, of Michael, and of all three of them. This house was so warm and full of love when Anna was alive it made Maura's house seem cold. It was no wonder she preferred to stay over at Jane's house most nights. Jonathan motioned for her to sit on the bed.

"Have you had more time to think?" he asked hopefully.

"Jonathon I-" she stopped. Her mind drifted to thoughts of the little boy downstairs munching happily on his cereal. Whoever Jonathon had been before was not the man staring back at her right now. The loss of his wife damaged him and he might unintentionally or intentionally hurt Michael. By complying with him she could buy time for herself time to formulate a plan to get both her and Michael out of danger. Making up her mind she stared straight at her sister's husband. "I see now that you need your wife and Michael needs his mother. I will try my best to be Anna."

"I knew you would see it my way" Jonathon said excitedly. "Now would you mind getting Michael ready for school please? I'll drive him when he's ready. You can come and see his school if you'd like."

"I would love to," Maura replied sweetly. It would be the perfect opportunity to try and establish where she was. Jonathon smiled again and practically bounced out of the room. Maura stared at a picture on the nightstand of Michael and Anna. Michael was wrapped in his mother's arms. "I promise Anna" she said quietly, "I promise I will take care of your son."

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Jane rubbed a hand over her face frustrated by the conversation she was having on the phone.

"You sure there is no way he could possibly be in contact with another apprentice? Ok thank you. Please call me if anything should come up with him," Jane slammed the phone down.

"Nothing on Hoyt?" Frost asked.

"Nope. Which leads us to a dead end. Anything stand out in her cases?"

"No. I've got a few guys checking on a couple leads, but Maura hasn't been in any high profile cases recently."

"So we've got nothing?" Jane asked her heart clenching painfully in her chest.

"I did find one thing. I think we should pay a visit to Anna's husband. See if he knows how his wife ended up dead in Maura's car," Frost suggested. Jane nodded. That was strange.

"Sounds like a plan," Jane said standing up. She took the file from Frost and looked it over quickly. "Lives in Boston. Perfect. Let's go pay a visit to Jonathon Squire."


End file.
